Slippery Slope

I've long thought that one of the most compelling arguments against same-sex marriage is the "slippery slope argument." Same sex marriage advocates say limiting marriage to a relationship between a man and a woman draws a random "line in the sand", or ever worse, is discriminatory. But at the same time, they claim that redrawing this random "line" so that two people of indiscriminate sex constitute marriage, isn't the least bit random or discriminatory. Why the current "line" that defining marriage is discriminatory, but the new "line" same-sex marriage advocates propose isn't random is a question yet to be answered.

What about polygamy? What about polyamory? Doesn't this new definition of marriage as "two people" "discriminate" against these lifestyles, just as the man-woman definition of marriage "discriminates" against homosexuality?

Yes it does. Thus the argument to redraw that line for homosexuality is either quite disingenuous (That is defining marriage as a man-woman relationship isn't discriminatory) -- or it will lead to the state-sponsorship of almost any kind of relationship you can imagine. Don't believe me? Look at Stanley Kurtz's new article about the movement to mainstream polyamory:

Clearly, Emens [a University of Chicago Law School professor advocating polyamory] is taking her cues from the movement for gay marriage. She suggests "that we view this historical moment, when same-sex couples begin to enter the institution of marriage, as a unique opportunity to question the mandate of compulsory monogamy."

More deeply, Emens lays out a sophisticated case for treating polyamory not just as a practice, but as a disposition, broadly analogous to the disposition toward homosexuality. That, in turn, allows her to call a whole raft of laws into question — from marriage laws to partnership laws, to zoning laws, to custody laws. All these laws, says Emens, place unfair burdens on those with a "poly" disposition

Polyamorists have long treated their inclination toward multi-partner sex as analogous to homosexuality. Polyamorists intentionally use phrases like "in the closet" and "coming out" to link their cause with the fight for gay marriage. What's new here is that a scholar has built this analogy to homosexuality into a systematic and sophisticated case.

Closeted Polyamorists

Up to now, gay-marriage advocates like Andrew Sullivan and Jonathan Rauch have dismissed the analogy between homosexuality and polyamory by arguing that homosexuality is a far more deeply rooted impulse than the superficial, even frivolous, desire for sex with more than one partner. By contrast, Emens offers a "continuum model" inspired by the radical lesbian thinker Adrienne Rich. In
her famous essay, "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence" (which Emens's title deliberately echoes), Rich argues that all women, whether they identify themselves as lesbian or not, are in some respects lesbians. If women can just find the lesbian within, then, even for women who remain heterosexually identified, the prejudice against homosexuality will fall away. That, in turn, will make it possible for many more women to freely choose lesbianism.

Following Rich, Emens argues that everyone has a bit of "poly" inside. If we can just discover, nurture, and accept our inner polyamorist, then even for those who choose to remain monogamous, the prejudice against polyamory will disappear. This will allow everyone to make an unconstrained choice between monogamy and polyamory. So it's possible to see both homosexuality and polyamory as part of a complex continuum of human sexuality, says Emens. And when we begin to look at things this way, we can finally take down the legal, social, and cultural barriers to both homosexuality and polyamory.

But aren't at least some people at one end of the sexual continuum intensely homosexual? Yes, says Emens, but the very same thing is true of polyamory. According to Emens, whether for biological or cultural reasons, some folks simply cannot live happily unless they are allowed multiple, simultaneous sexual partners. And for these people, our current system of marriage and family laws is every bit as unjust as it is for homosexuals. A person with an intensely polyamorous disposition simply cannot be happy, says Emens, outside of a polyamorous family setting. For these people, argues Emens, our social hostility to polyamory imposes a vast range of unjust legal burdens.